things you need for a successful movie-going experience:
Going to the movies is a religious experience. The movie theater is a sacred space. Like a yoga studio. Or a Claire's. Doctors recommend seeing at least 3 mediocre movies every month to maintain your health and your ego, so you can performatively complain about said movies on Letterboxd and convince your 19 year old roommates you're the next David Lynch. Trust me bro. I'm cookin' up something big. This next short film? It's gonna change the game. I just need $50,000 in crowdfunding and then Sundance won't know what hit em. Chase your dreams!
Last time I saw a horror movie at my local Regal, an entire family took up 2 rows in the very front. Five minutes in, a baby started crying. Then another. Then another. Every suspense-filled, terror-striking moment suddenly became plagued by a chorus of babies screaming because like... why wouldn't they. They're babies. Eventually people started yelling at the family to leave and I think the dad (one of the dads? plural?) threatened to beat us up. Or something. I couldn't really pay attention to what he was yelling because there was a witch demon onscreen trying to eat people's faces.
Overall 9/10. The crying babies kinda added to the vibe. Although I don't really know why they came in the first place. It was 11pm on a Tuesday. And the movie was rated R.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah!...
Just kidding!
