journal no. 2

On J.R. Carpenter: Or, My Computer is Dying

I need to get a new case for my computer.

It is a very old computer.

2019 MacBook Pro, 16 inches.

It is extremely heavy and hurts my wrists whenever I type because I rest my arms on the big clunky touchpad and the keys are greasy from my fingers and the display has a weird discolored bar on the left side because I must've banged it on a table or dropped it or did something. I don't know.

I have had this computer since sophomore year of high school, when I did my very first graphic design project designing a poster for my church Christmas party.

It cost my parents a couple thousand dollars. By then I'd convinced them that I was going to art school, but don't worry! I'll major in graphic design! So I definitely need this fancy computer with the processing power of a small country.

It has no external functions except for four (4) usb-c ports. I have to get adapters for sim cards, HDMIs, basically anything of substance.

I think the 2019 Macbooks were the only ones with the little screen atop the keyboard and four identical ports.

Apple changed it back a year later once they realized no one wanted four fucking identical ports.

Oh well.

Guess I should've waited another year.


My computer's been through a lot.

Like a wizened whore.

Or a semi-retired racing dog.


I learned how to torrent illegal movies on this computer.

I learned how to fiddle with the custom desktop theme on my Tumblr page dedicated to Star Wars fanfiction on this computer.

I learned how to print off free sheet music on this computer.

I learned everything I know about design and art on this one, clunky, heavy, old and dying computer.


Yes, it is dying.

Pages are slower to load.

I need to quit and refresh things more and more often.

One day, the stripe on my screen will go from a mildly discolored nuisance to a vomiting, unignorable crash.


But for now, it is mine.

PDFs. EPUBs. Photos. Files.

It's all mine.

Forever.